After a shocking event or a calamity of some sort dominates the news cycle suddenly, no one’s a happier camper than the average conspiracy theorist. The event becomes a Rorschach test onto which conspiracy theorists can fasten their tentacles and hang on for days, weeks, or months even. The most unscrupulous conspiracy theorists—and these days I can’t really think of any other type in the “alternate news” or “truther community”—are probably the happiest when the event claims a large number of lives, as we had seen in the obscene spectacle of the “false flag” theorizing that followed the latest mass shootings. So the way the Jeffrey Epstein case is being milked for everything it’s worth by conspiracy sites like State of the Nation and their ilk is no surprise. Yet looking closely at the rhetoric and logic behind the coverage of the Epstein case gives a glimpse into the utterly erroneous and naïve thought process of conspiracy believers.
“It’s inconceivable that Epstein could have killed himself since he was such a high-profile prisoner,” says the core argument upon which the hundreds (or maybe thousands) of Epstein conspiracy theories are based. “It’s too far-fetched. He would be watched day and night.”
But he wasn’t because of sheer bureaucratic incompetence.
I bring this up as we are just about two and a half weeks away from the anniversary of the September 11 attacks. That tragedy birthed a new era of conspiracy theorizing that is more deranged and morally bankrupt than any other previous conspiracy craze in history, more so than the various Freemason moral panics, the Kennedy assassination fantasies, or the nonsense about “secret” policy organizations like the Council on Foreign relations or the Trilateral Commission plotting to rule the world. The 9/11 conspiracies are also founded on the same fallacy of perfect governmental organizations that couldn’t possibly have been so off guard as they were in 2001. Rather than recognizing ineptitude, convoluted and inefficient bureaucracies, missed signals, and just plain stupid mistakes—the kinds that have plagued complex organizations since groups of people have ever attempted to collaborate on any large-scale endeavor—the conspiratorial mindset starts inventing massive, labyrinthine plots and the work of evil cabals.
Such is now the case with Epstein’s death. Despite the fact that investigations of the Manhattan Metropolitan Correctional Center—as discussed in this article—have demonstrated a long record of inept management of the institution, that history of gross mismanagement is now the fuel for ever more absurd Epstein conspiracy theories. Epstein was killed by Trump, some argue. Epstein was killed by the Clintons, others counter. Epstein was killed by Satanists. Epstein was killed by the Illuminati. There’s probably a blog or Facebook page or web page out there arguing that Epstein was killed either by aliens or NASA because he was either about to blow the whistle on what really crashed in Roswell or give conclusive proof that the Earth is flat.
The amusing part of all of the Epstein theories is the fact that it proves how die-hard conspiracists might be the most optimistic human beings on the face of the Earth. If they are to be believed, this world would be a perfect Nirvana on its own and every problem and calamity is caused on purpose by the hidden hand of some shadowy cabal.
Ah…the wonderful, childlike naivete of simple minds.
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